The longest conversation you had with your teen recently was entirely through texting. Maybe you wish your youngest would turn off the video games and go outside to play with friends. Perhaps fries are among the only vegetables your kids willingly eat.
Whatever it is, you realize you’ve had enough and you want to make a change. But, how do you help your kids change their habits without seeming like you’re nagging them (yet again).
“Start by doing a bit of housekeeping,” says Shilagh Mirgain, PhD, health psychologist with UW Health’s Sports Medicine program.
Mirgain recommends asking yourself questions like:
- Are your food choices primarily healthy ones?
- Do you turn to the TV as a way to ‘decompress’ from the day?
- Are you constantly checking email and reading messages on your phone or tablet?
- Are you being as healthy as possible?
“We can only control ourselves,” she explains. “So if you’re wanting to make changes within the family structure start by making those changes yourself.”
Try encouraging the whole family to go for a walk after dinner. Create a “technology time-out” where everyone turns their smart phones, computers, games, tablets and televisions off for a period of time each day. Rearrange schedules and say “no” to requests in order to create family meal time a few times each week.
“Keep the focus on the family and what the family can do,” suggests Mirgain. Singling out your child (or even your spouse) is a recipe for disaster.
“Focusing on what the child isn’t doing, or reminding him or her to do certain things really puts the focus on what is not being done – he’s not eating healthy, she’s not exercising – and that can be very defeating,” explains Mirgain.
It can also lead to a power struggle. But, if parents help celebrate, acknowledge and even reward successes, no matter how small, it can set the stage for further change.
“Build on what’s going well and brainstorm together for how to continue the momentum,” says Mirgain.
Working together as a family and having fun can be rewarding for everyone. Preparing a meal together, going for hikes, taking a trip to the local Farmer’s Market can be enjoyable experiences together and engage kids in activities without making it seem like a chore.
Also, help set the stage by bringing healthy foods into the home and eating in routinely. It’s hard to tell a child to eat healthy foods when the kitchen cupboards are filled with treats.
It’s also important to remember that change doesn’t happen overnight. But, keeping it fun and keeping the focus on the family can help make sure it’s a positive experience for everyone.
What change would you like your family to make?
I would like my family to increase the amount of vegetables and fruits that we consume.
In getting my family to eat more vegetables, I found the most difficult thing was to hang in there, because it can be very slow. When I became a stepparent, my stepsons pretty much didn’t eat any vegetables. We started with small amounts and built up slowly. We introduced new vegetables slowly. At first, one of our sons would literally gag when he ate a vegetable, so it was hard. We praised their efforts a lot. Another thing that helped was giving some amount of choice. While it doesn’t make any sense to let a child make all of their nutritional decisions, giving them choices that make sense is very helpful. For example, letting a child choose between spinach and green beans gives a sense of choice, while the parent, who actually has the knowledge about nutrition, still makes the real decisions. The way my mom did it was to say we had to eat at least half–so you had some choice, but you didn’t have the choice of poor nutrition. Another thing that helped was making a rule of no complaints at the dinner table (you don’t have to like what’s on your plate, but you have to respect the work of the cook who put it there–politeness and treating everyone with respect is a big theme in our family). We started having conversations about nutrition, too, and when they were able, helping them read labels. And sending the message that eating isn’t just about pleasure, it’s about being good to your body (you may not like that green bean, but your body loves it). We also ate vegetables we didn’t particularly care for to be role models. We tried every trick in the book and just kept trying–giving up was not an option. Consistency between parents helps too, but we managed to get the kids eating vegetables without complaint (and some they even like a lot!) even though at their biological mom’s house they still don’t eat vegetables. It took years, and we’re still working on it, but it’s worth it. And I think it’s our job as parents.
I really wish our family would spend and ENJOY more time outside playing or working together. I often hear it’s too cold or too hot, etc., or that they just want to play inside. I realize that I don’t get out as often as I would like, so that’s probably the first thing to change (after reading your other letters). I have been thinking that we don’t really have hobbies as a family — like skiing, cooking, etc., and i would like to create more of these – especially in the outdoors. What are your suggestions?